Happy Friday! I got this beautiful hellebore plant a little while ago and wanted to capture the lovely transition from creamy white to this gorgeous dusty pink. Since I possess an industrial-strength black thumb, it’s already dying — I love plants so much, but they all immediately wither under my care. I’m a little insecure about this inability of mine to nurture flora, as if it’s some serious character flaw that reflects my ineptitude to nurture all living things (i.e. my daughter).
Speaking of insecurity, I recently had an interaction with someone that left me feeling very icky, for lack of a better descriptor. The topic was benign, and there weren’t any critical words exchanged. But I came away from it markedly slighted and feeling not a little inadequate. I couldn’t figure it out and spent an inordinate amount of time worrying and pondering about this.
I’ve been continuing on my tidying bender, and just filled my car trunk with detritus from our basement. And this reminded me of how I wanted to apply the anchoring tenet of Marie Kondo’s tidying philosophy (“only keep things that spark joy”) to people. The exchange I mentioned above isn’t really the issue. The issue is the time I’ve wasted re-hashing the conversation, trying to analyze the nitty gritty of why I felt so awful afterwards. Yes, I know that communication is mostly non-verbal so there must have been subtle clues that I picked up on. Just a week prior to that ickiness, I hung out with a friend, but this outing was filled with laughter and I left the coffee shop feeling on top of the world. Did I spend hours dissecting that conversation? Nope, not at all.
There will always be people that I rub the wrong way or with whom I might have stilted or unpleasant interchanges, but that I choose to dwell disproportionately on the negative — now that’s the heart of the matter. The ten-minute insecurity-inducing conversation plagued me for days, whereas the two-hour coffee date with the friend got tucked away in the back of my mind like an afterthought, like a book that gave me great pleasure but quickly gets overshadowed by the sensationalized violence on the 6 o’clock news.
I’d like to change this. As fascinated as I am with non-verbal communication and homo sapiens behavior in general, I want to be more attentive to the interactions and people who spark joy and reduce the energy, time and focus I direct to the enervating or disagreeable moments that inevitably happen between humans. I have extremely limited reserves when it comes to energy, focus and time. It’s so easy to take for granted the people who make our days brighter, or maybe that’s just me, and that seems a giant shame. Acknowledging that I do this is a good first step, I think.
Anyway. Those are just some random thoughts I’m having on a Friday.
K, on the other hand, has a much sunnier outlook on the whole (this is the cover of a book she made for me and M yesterday – she photocopied a heart she made and various other objects like nail clippers in the ensuing pages):
Happy weekend, all!
So many amazing gifts
keep on showing up*
The instagram (#2015sve) and Flickr images are so inspiring, and I know some blog posts are popping up here and there. Looking forward to compiling all the info!