I recently had tea with a friend who is always inspirational. We were talking about how we make choices, especially when it comes to career decisions, and how she always asks herself, “Does this energize me?” I love that. We compared notes on various crossroads points in our lives, when we opted for choices that didn’t seem to outwardly make sense but ended up being the best decision in the long run. I thought of how I moved out to Seattle to be with M – all my friends declared me crazy. I declared myself crazy. I had a fabulous job and a great life in San Francisco and knew no one other than M in the Pacific Northwest. It was a very risky move, but being with M energized me and it felt right. And I thought of sewing and starting this blog, but you know all about that from my endless yammerings.
The topic of “saying no” also came up. I’m a chronic yea-sayer and will say yes to everything, and bend over backwards and people-please until kingdom come. Most of the time, this has led to amazing opportunities that would have otherwise been unavailable to me. But every so often, I end up depleted and exhausted and sick from saying yes to things that don’t energize me at all. They frequently look and sound and smell exactly like the kinds of things I should be doing, but the main difference is that I feel no joy or even a sense of purpose while doing them. I’m so busy saying yes and being flattered and grateful that I forget to pay attention to my well-being. The kicker is how difficult it is to tell when I should be saying no, and there’s always that fear of, “What if I’m missing out?” but I’m slowly and continually learning how to pay better attention.
I’m making small strides, in fact. A little while ago, a woman asked me to reproduce a top for her daughters (I get these requests from time to time). She offered to pay, and I was incredibly honored that she thought my sewing skills were good enough for her to part with cold hard cash, but I don’t know, I felt “off” about it. Normally, I would have hemmed and hawed, would have felt guilty about charging money (who do I think I am?) and would have sewn up the top (plus a few extra) for free. Instead, I politely said no. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but you know what? I felt so much better.
On another note: there is a dearth of energy in our household these days. I keep mentioning that K is sick off and on, and it took a turn for the worse two nights ago. She is prone to seasonal asthma ever since she fell ill with RSV as a six-month-old baby, and though we’ve been fortunate enough not to see any symptoms the last three years, it’s come back full-force this week. She coughs. And coughs and coughs through the night. Rattling, body-wracking, wheezy coughs. Nothing seems to help. I won’t go into details, but I am zonked and full of worry.
So I will be scarce around here for a few days. I hope to be back next Monday, re-charged and re-fueled but no promises. Be well, my friends.
i hope you all are better/well in no time! Thinking of you…
Best wishes
Marit
ps: love those illustration of yours
I wish I could give everyone a huge hug, I am so so appreciative. Thank you, Marit! xo
Saying no is just as important as saying yes- all in its right moment. I can totally relate to the push/pull of wanting to please. It’s so good when you can listen to your inner voice for guidance. It takes practice to recognize when we are being asked to leave our comfort zone in order to grow, or when it’s time to pull back from the pressures and take it easy. I hope your little one grows strong- a mama’s presence always seems to help so much. My 3 year old son also has a lot of seasonal coughing and mucus that is troubling and chronic. Probably it is nothing grave and his system will grow heartier with time, but we as mama and papa are wringing our hands for an answer as to how to help him along so that he can enjoy the bright energy of health. Happy days of resting to you and K. I’m sure you’ll both pull out of the funk with good energy to inspire whatever brings you joy.
Many thanks for your lovely comment, Gita! I fear that in my haze, my post was sort of muddled, and I so appreciate how you and others help me clarify what I’m trying to say. So sorry to hear that you too have a cough-prone little one, and I hope he’s doing much better!
Yeah to saying no. Why is it so hard?
I do hope K is better soon. They are such a worry. Take care of you too.
Why IS it so hard? A good question, Evie. Thank you for your caring words – we are slowly but definitely getting more rest and feeling better.
I am picturing the two of you, resting, nesting and healing. May your worries be lifted and energy and health come to all of you! I can very much relate to what you wrote about saying yes and no. It is a good balance between the two that is so important…And following your heart and your joy. Good words! Thank you.
Thank you, Ute! I wish we looked as you picture us, but it’s been more like this: K splayed out on the couch breathing raggedly and guzzling water, while I blearily stumble around, trying to get stuff around the house done and working on project deadlines. It hasn’t been too pretty here in our household…but your thoughts are much appreciated 🙂
One of my kids has the same sort of horrible, all night, body wracking cough, so I haven’t had much sleep lately either. Hopefully a little break is what you need to rest up and help both of you get better.
Oh Fiona – I tell you, these sleepless nights take such a toll, don’t they? I hope your little one is all better and that you’ve been able to enjoy some blissful, uninterrupted sleep 🙂
I think this problem you describe is unique to women, as men don’t seem to struggle with it as much. Such a push/pull of wanting live outside my own “me”-centric bubble and provide for others, while also knowing I often get overly stressed in the doing of it. Good for you, Sanae, for listening to your heart on this last request – although awkward, it was a growing experience.
And poor K! I wish I had good advice to give you! My chiropractor often advises us to put a cut-up onion near the bed while the sick one is sleeping. It smells to high heaven, but helps with the breathing. I don’t know if it would work the same for asthmatic coughing though, as the source of coughing is different. Lots of vitamin D too. May these next days of resting and healing be rejuvenating for all!
You’re so kind, Lucinda, that I can definitely see how you may be prone to yes-ing 🙂 I’m tempted to try the onion remedy, but I’m afraid that we’ll never get rid of the smell in the bedroom…I HAVE been cooking an awful lot of dishes with onion and garlic though, and that does seem to help. And yes, I’ve been trying vitamin D supplements, and so far rest and water seem to be the most effective.
My son is/was prone to seasonal asthma, awful! We seem to have gone nearly a year without any bad attacks so I am hoping he has grown out of it. Take care, wishing you all well.
Thanks so much, Nicki! Isn’t it the worst watching your little ones coughing uncontrollably and not being able to do anything about it? It’s been breaking my heart. I truly hope your son has grown out of it, that’s a good sign that he hasn’t had an attack in such a long time.
I will pray for quick healing for your daughter. We recently visited the naturopath and are trying different supplements to help the kids with things and a dairy/wheat free diet for my son for three weeks. I will probably be off the grid too, trying to figure it all out!
Thank you, Kristi! That’s so interesting – I too have cut way back on dairy for K because I noticed it was definitely making her cough more. We haven’t been able to do wheat-free though, but so far she does seem to be on the mend without the meds (which didn’t work anyway) so we shall see…
aww, poor K. I hope she can rest up and that it passes soon.
I saw a quote from Sandra Bullock recently and she was talking about some resolutions she made for herself after adopting her son. One was “Stop saying YES when I don’t mean it.” It’s a simple thing, and one that I keep close now! If I know deep down it stresses me out or just doesn’t feel right, I say no. Like that time E’s school asked if I’d make 200 Lorax-themed cupcakes one week before an event. I felt sick about the idea since I was having a busy week, but then I actually felt GREAT saying no! who knew??!! 🙂
I love a woman who quotes Sandra Bullock! And 200 Lorax-themed cupcakes?? You go girl for saying no! K has been getting tons of rest and I think she’s consumed about fifty gallons of water in the last week, and that seems to be the key. At least we hope so!
Best wishes for K, hope she gets well soon! (and saying no is soooo hard often, but also soooo necessary…)
SO necessary! Thank you for the warm regards, Nienke!
Poor K 🙁 Hope she feels better real soon!!
I have a hard time saying no too. And had to say no to a request that someone had not too long ago. I felt bad for a minute but in the end it felt good!
I know — there is that initial, “oh shoot,” feeling after I’ve said no, whether it’s because I’m afraid I’ve hurt someone’s feelings or because I suddenly regret the lost opportunity, but I tend to get over it really quickly and feel overwhelming relief. Thanks for the well-wishes, Meghan!
Ey Sanae!! suffering from the same, very difficult to me to say No, but I’m learning in the hard way I think. Take care of yourself and I really hope K gets better very soon!
Thank you, Maria – you take care of yourself too, my dear! K is looking less ill these last couple of days, which is making me hopeful.
sending positive energy for a speedy recovery K’s way from the Midwest… Thanks, as always, for sharing so much of yourself and your truth here. I don’t have your eloquence to describe how much it means to me, but please know how wonderful and appreciated you are.
Oh, thank you so very much Kelly. That means the world to me – it’s funny, I don’t feel at all eloquent and was worried that I came across as griping, which I try really hard not to be. Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Hope things are starting to turn around for K.
Btw, I saw this sale and thought of you -http://thefabricfairy.com/heathered-grey-bamboo-linen-woven-fabric.html
Thank you, June — and oh, that fabric is SO me! If only I weren’t on my fabric fast…:-)
Oh, poor K, poor you! I hope she takes a turn for the better soon. Sending healing thoughts and wishes for a restful weekend.
So appreciated, Robin! She can’t seem to keep things in her stomach either, so it’s been a double-whammy, but slowly, slowly, she seems to be healing.
NO, Sanae, you should stop to say Yes to everything… and take a good rest and I hope K will recover soon.
Thanks, Yeka! Wise words. K is getting there, but I keep saying that and she keeps getting sick again, so fingers crossed…
Poor K, hope she’s better soon!
And I know what you mean about saying no, and it’s hard when the things that are being asked seem like fun or like you’d be missing out – you’re right. But I find when I do say no, I almost NEVER regret it. I usually end up thanking myself! Good luck. 🙂
Thank you, Kristin! It’s been a bit rough-going but things are looking up. And yes to saying no! 🙂